Happy Festivus –

First off here’s my damn cute holiday dog photo:

Festivus website

Wikipedia Festivus

Happy Festivus to everyone! Starting this year I will be “airing of my grievances” via my blog.

So here they are:

1. When I am driving and I hear a song on the radio that has some sort of horn in it that sounds like a real horn next to me, it pisses me off! What kind of musician thinks a car horn or a horn that sounds like a car horn sounds like a good piece to an ensemble of a song? It just makes me look for this non-existent car that’s not honking at me. Stop it!

2. Why do radio commercials always sound louder than the songs on the radio? It just makes me change the radio station.

3. Why does all of Los Angeles Radio suck? Either I get bored on KCRW-National Public Radio, or get dumbed down on KROQ with fart jokes from those idiots Kevin and Bean….or they replay the same crappy unpunk but ‘punk’ song on the radio again and again. Then there’s the classic rock radio station DEEJAYS who all sound as conservative as GW Bush’s grandson or something. They also play the most unoriginal songs; never the hard-to-find classics, but the same popular songs again and again. Old should not always mean Bush supporter. Start playing those hard to find classic songs.

Finally, I beg of you Los Angeles….please bring back Indie 103.1 to the car radio!! Thanks for listening.

4. Why do these ‘exclusive’ La clubs (this goes for Vegas clubs too) sell ‘exclusive’ tickets to their ‘exclusive’ events online? If they’re so exclusive then why can I buy tickets on the internet?

5. People who stand outside AA meetings chain smoking? I bet you would be able to quit everything if you quit smoking along with the crack problem….

6. Twitter-it’s sometimes used to express original thoughts, but most of the time its everyday people kissing celebrity ass….you all have your own voices-no need to ass kiss or Re Tweet things again and again. Use it…look at the country of IRAN. They used twitter to express human rights violations and voting outrage…and we use it to ask some celebrity who they like in the next basketball game. Express your own damn voice.

7. Old rock stars don’t all deserve reality shows. Some should just retire or learn to play the acoustic guitar, not have TV shows on what it’s like to date young strippers and or actress wannabes. I think most ‘rock stars’ didn’t start making music to be a reality TV star. Has anyone even heard Brett Michaels’s music? It’s horrible…..and he’s just the beginning.

8. Shut up about Tiger Woods. I didn’t care about him or Golf before his affairs and I sure don’t care about him now.

9. People who think my blog is any reflection of my screen/novel writing. Newsflash-I don’t put alot of effort into my blogs-I mainly write stories….screenplays, novels and yes the occasional stage play. Blogs are good for opinions, ranting and or expressing non narrative moments.

10. Yes, I am a Dyslexic writer, so what. To me, what counts is-that I know how to tell a story and that I tell that story to you all. I have written 3 screenplays, 1 stageplay, 1 novella all just this year.

Thank you and happy holidays.

We all live and die a little everyday……

Sometimes life just happens.

My wife if you didn’t know is a Celebrity makeup artist…and one of her very first celebrity clients, Brittany Murphy has died.
It’s a very sad day indeed. My wife was very upset when she heard the news and said that Brittany was, “the nicest, funniest and sweetest celeb” she has ever worked with.
I am actually working on a script and she would have been perfect for the part, it’s so sad. I never try to write for a specific actor but sometimes parts you write just fit certain people. It’s a Broadway themed script….that’s all I can say. I never discuss a script until it’s done.
Brittany had some of those amazing qualities and some classic Broadway skills that not many actors are born with or have.

Well, a lesson is there somewhere under the murk and tragedy. It’s an odd thing…life, screenwriting and so on.

Let’s all enjoy and create while we are here…whether it is creating: art, life, or just simple love for others.

Life happens; we all live and die a little each day.

Be well to each other no matter what.

My 2009 in the form of a poem……

Novelists think they are better than screenwriters,

Screenwriters think they are cooler than novelists,

And bloggers want to judge either of them.

Myself, I don’t care either way,

A story is a story is a story-as long as it just doesn’t bore me.

Speaking of poems….here’s Charles Bukowski’s new poetry book, The Continual Condition. I do recommend it.

Happy Holidays or Happy Non-Holidays……whatever floats your boat.

May you float away happy-

Much love-



Joe Lieberman aka All I want for Christmas is some damn healthcare reform!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All I want for Christmas is some damn healthcare reform!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joe Lieberman looks like a cross between the villain on The Smurfs aka Gargamel and The Simpsons’ old and evil Montgomery Burns.

I’d like to take all of Joe’s health care insurance and money away from him, and then I’d take bets to see how long this man would last.

I’d bet on just a few weeks.

That’s all.

It’s tough being a foul mouthed, ill-tempered superhero but it’s worth it..

I am perfectly comfortable being who I am. I am exactly who I want to be. Part of me is a real superhero. I love helping people and or overcoming odds. Yesterday, I saved someone’s life. Now it wasn’t a human being mind you, but it’s still a life and very important in the grand scheme of things. Picture it: I was walking my loyal and neurotic Beagle down the street. It was about 1pm on a Tuesday. Nothing special in the day, just an afternoon like any other -but it’s not. We were walking at a good pace and the sunshine was hitting us just right. As we were contentedly strolling along, an old woman who could have passed for a skinny version of Betty White from the “Golden Girls” walked up to us and said,

“What a handsome dog!”

“Why thank you,” I answered for him and myself proudly. The moment was too perfect. Then it happened. We were walking by a soft-topped JEEP and we heard the angry barks. I noticed that the Jeep’s plastic windows were open and unzipped and suddenly, within a half a second, a huge Rottweiler dog jumped out of it. He must have been at least 70lbs.

“Wait, he’s chained to the Jeep frame!” I realized. He fell out of the parked car door and was hanging by his choke collar right in front of us! It was one of the most horrible things I have seen. Think fast!

“Watch my dog!” I said to the woman. She didn’t react.

I shouted again-“Watch my dog!” I let him go and she finally grabbed him.

Then I grabbed the snapping, biting, strangling dog that he was, as he nearly took my hand off. I kept at it, trying to pick him up while he scraped my hand with his razor-like teeth. Finally I did it! I got a grab on him as he was snapping at me. I pushed him up and back into the jeep window. He was now okay. He was petrified, but alive.

The old woman standing with my dog looked white as a ghost at this freakish event. But I didn’t think it was so very out of the ordinary, sadly. This was a near tragedy due to another careless dog owner.

“I’m going to zip his window up now. He can’t fall again, not on my watch,” I say as I brazenly reach my hand inside the door towards the angry and scared animal and zip it up.

“If he’s going eat my hand, he’ll eat it,” I think to myself.
His owner finally showed up.

“What the hell is going on?” He asks dimly.

“I’ll tell you what’s going on, asshole. I just saved your dog’s life. He almost hung himself because you left him in the car on a fucking choke chain with the window down,” I say.

“What?” He asks.

“You dog almost died just now, motherfucker. He jumped out of the window with that chain around his neck and was hanging from your car. He could have died. If I ever see you leaving your dog all alone again I will call the police or worse.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have harassed him,” he said, unsure of how to react.

“Excuse me young man, he’s very upset but he saved your dog. He was far away from your dog and he ran over and saved his life,” the old woman added.

“Don’t you ever fucking leave your dog alone in a car ever again! I am serious-I will fuck you up!” I say with conviction.

Sometimes my rage takes over when I’m pushed, and this guy isn’t bright at all.

“Promise me?” I say.

“I promise you’ll never see me or see me leaving my dog-I love him,” he says.

“Well fucking act like it, pet ownership is a privilege not a right.” I say.
I nod to the old woman and take my dog.

“Thank you for helping. If you weren’t here it would have been tough,” I tell her.

“You’re welcome,” she answers.

The man jumps in his Jeep, unsure of what to do. I walk away from both of them nearly hyperventilating.

“Fucking-a Mr. B. We did alright,” I say and pet his little head.

I walked home quickly, still breathing oddly. I lay down with my dog. I was alive, but my heart was beating faster than a hummingbird. The life of a superhero isn’t always easy but it feels alright sometimes.

I will finally note that it is completely illegal and irresponsible to leave any animal in a car unattended. Leaving animals in a car is actually Punishable by fines ranging from $100 to $1000 to time served in jail. Or worse-you’ll have to deal with me.

“Don’t do it,” says the self-made hero that I am.
That’s one to grow on…..